“Choose not be harmed- and you won't feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed-and you haven't been.”
Marcus Aurelius
Would you agree that things that happened to you till date are your making? Or do you consider someone else is responsible for that? Some examples you might associate with are : I didn't get a good education because my parents could not afford it. I didn't score well in exam because the teacher didn't know how to teach. I got fired because the company is full of shit. I broke up and am completely shattered, all because of the fault of my boy friend / girl friend. I am becoming fat day by day because of my inferior genes that i inherited( obviously not my fault ). We lost this client because of his / her mistake. I didn’t get promoted this year because my boss is biased towards another colleague ( Shhh... God knows what's going on between the two, and there are rumors that they are dating:) ).
Do you know why people blame others for their circumstances?
Reason 1: Convenience : It’s the most convenient thing to do. The moment things go south, blame someone, anyone, whoever, you can get as a scapegoat to blame and sacrifice.
Reason 2: Weakness : Don’t have guts to take responsibility for their actions. Such people are weak and out of their weakness they are always trying to protect their a**, by fudging facts and hatching conspiracies against someone else.
“All Cruelty Springs from Weakness ” : Seneca
Reason 3: Dumbness : Out of sheer ”Dumbness.” Can’t understand a simple logic that any action one performs will always and always have consequences. Poor actions lead to an unfortunate result. Hence, no point blaming others.
If you analyse any of your life situation in great detail, you will come to a conclusion that whatever happened to you was either your deeds of this life or an accumulation of karma’s of previous life. That proves that no-one else has any control on your fate, even if, at the outset, it might appear like that, but in reality, we always have the discretion to mold it the way we want. Following extracts from the poem ”Invictus.”, resonates so well to this truth.
.....I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my Soul”
:William Ernest Henley
An average person who has not been trained in meditations can barely detach from the actions. Look at the image of the clay pot being made. It’s impossible to carve a pot from clay without letting your hands dirty. That's the very nature of Karma ( actions ). Whatever you do, it leaves an impression on you, and that impression then drives your next action in the direction of the previous work that you just performed. Let’s take a straightforward ( none-addictive ) example. Every day you get back from office, tired, crash on the couch and switch on the TV. The first day you do this is the karma that would leave an impression that would drive you to do exactly the same thing the next day.
Let’s now go back to why people blame others. For now I will ignore the third reason, which is ”Dumbness,” not much can be done about this. If someone is dumb, may god bless him/ her. It’s indeed better that such a person continues to blame others. At least this way, he/ she can protect him/her by firing the first shots of blame bullets in their protection. Let’s go to the first two reasons, these are the ones that really bother me and must be bothering you as well. If you dig little deeper, you will realize that these set of people who blame others for things happening to them are mostly coward, lack confidence, and are always afraid. They are always on the wrong side of their own Karma.
When we talk about Karma, we are not referring to the consequences to others that our actions may have on them. Rather, Karma is pointing to the consequences that it has upon us. A series of misdirected karma keeps building slowly in a specific direction and pushes us towards situations that we don’t expect. This makes us believe that we are not in control. Just because you didn't like the place where you landed, doesn't mean you were not in control. Take example of a drunken driver. He / She is at the steering wheel, so can’t blame on the alcohol that led the car into a crash. Similarly, we are always in control of our actions, sometimes, however, directly not aware, in an intoxicated state of mind. Further, our biased judgments and opinions add to this intoxication leading to a life which might seem quite accidental and entirely out of control.
So, how can we get rid of this intoxication? The first step is to say this to yourself,”
Whatever has happened to me till date, till this very moment, I am, and only I am responsible for that.
This is an immensely constructive first step in your improvement. Immediately after this your focus will shift from others towards yourself. You will start thinking about what things to avoid and how not to get into troubled situations in the future, rather than getting bothered about what harm the world can inflict upon you. You would be asking these questions to yourself because you have now accepted responsibility for your current situation. People who blame others destroy the possibility of this amazing dialogue with themselves. Consider this, If in my eyes, I feel someone else was to be blamed, then he / she needs to improve, not me ??!!!! This simple thought will bring a tectonic shift in your attitude towards life. All the cribbing will evaporate instantly. Hope you realize the immense possibility of self-improvement that you might lose by blaming others?
If everyone starts taking responsibility for their actions and situations, there will be no reason to fight; people will do what they are responsible for and will hold themselves accountable if conditions didn't turn as expected. They will then ponder over it and will try to improve. Such people will clearly lead the way in the progress of a constructive society. You would have noticed in your family and workplace that people who take responsibilities are courageous and have leadership qualities against those who are in the blame game, whose main objective is to survive “somehow.”
I will urge that people show courage, take responsibility for what's happening to them, and drop the veil of cowardice, which is not worth living for.
In summary if the pot in the title image breaks, please don’t blame the soil or the clay wheel. Most likely, you mishandled it. Plan in advance, practice well, improve every time, and eventually, you will create your Masterpiece.....
I will leave you with these great words from a great Stoic, Seneca
“No man was ever wise by chance.”
Seneca
VS
PS: ( watch this space for philosophy in action )