Don’t let jerks live rent-free in your head.” Sam Altman (Y Combinator)
Take a pause!!!!!
and think about all those things that you did for the sake of “them”, now think about those things that you didn’t do, yet again, because of “them”. By “them” I am referring to the same set of people, whom you are thinking about. ( “Them” = “The NaySayers” / Them = those who have got a “no” for everything that you want to achieve in life, things that means a lot to you. Those things that you aspire to do. That person you wish to become, someday…….
There is a rejection for everything that we wish to achieve. It starts at the very level of our own thought.
What would “they,” think? What would people talk about me? Would it be embarrassing? What if I fail? What my friends and family would feel? These are the reins of the devil by which we get shot in the foot, even before we set the first baby step towards anything great.
The Devil, Dwells on the Dilemma……
However, during these choppy waters of dilemma, the thought that can really save your dream is the thought of “Don’t Give a F***”. but, in order to be in this state of “Don’t Give a F***” ain’t that easy, especially if you are a person like me, who wants to keep everybody happy, always, in all situations. So, with several experiences of my own life, I have realized that you can’t keep everybody happy, and actually, there is no need for you to make everyone happy. You are certainly not the god’s ambassador of happiness? Are you? I am pretty sure, God has not bestowed upon this noble duty to make everyone happy. With this realization that you can’t keep everyone happy, I have started to “Not give a f***” to things and people who don’t matter.
Achieving this state is difficult but there is a better way of looking at it. You need not be disrespectful to people who care about you. The problem, however, is that even those people who care about you are not living your life. “It’s” only “you” in your sole capacity who has to live through, so, in essence, those people, who care about you ,may also not understand what you really need, what makes you happy, what would you like to become. Hence, what you can do is to have empathy towards your loved ones, in their misjudgments towards you. For these lovely people, you need to behave like a “Monk” or an “Enlightened” soul, who accepts their negativity with a smile. If you have seen or met a spiritual guru, you would understand what I mean. These enlightened souls are experts in “not giving a F***” about the world. They are always in a state of “peace” irrespective of what is going around them. I don’t know yet if this is a good approach to life, but it certainly serves, their purpose which is “inner peace”. These monks don’t give a F*** about their FaceBook display pics, they don’t give a f*** about who is making how much money, who is going where on holidays etc. Still, they are content. They are content because they are absolutely focussed on what they want to achieve, and rest does not bother them. Simply, they just “don’t give a f***” to anything anybody says. They just do what they have to, but at the same time, they are not disrespectful to people around them. They just accept them with a smile and empathy.
You do the same to people whom you love….
There is another set of people who really don’t give a shit about what happens to you. They actually thrive in your failures. To them you can “Give a f***” with zero apologies, that’s what they deserve. These are the people who are competing against you in every walk of life, and your miseries make them happy. So, if you want to do something positive, they will be the first to say, “Nahhh, it ain’t work”, “Don’t waste your time”, “People will make fun of you”.
You would appreciate that these were the things said consistently to the great people we hear about and read in books, like steve jobs, Einstein etc. and we all know what these legendary people did to such leg pullers “Didn’t give a F***” and you know what they achieved.
So, what does “not giving a F***” do to you?
It clears your mind.
It sets you onto a straight path of achievement
It acts as a cushion in case you do fail, because, even if you fail, “you don’t give a F***” either
It creates positive energy and attracts further good things in your direction that propel you towards to goal
It helps you face adversity with courage
It serves a punishment to the “Naysayers”, that they very well deserve
But, just “Not giving a F***” is not enough. Whether you will achieve what you want or not, depends primarily on following four factors :
Talent
Preparation
Passion
Grit
While many people in the world are talented and gifted, who might also be passionate about things they want to achieve, the one thing that decides whether they will fail or succeed is “GRIT”
“Not giving a F***” is all about this “Grit”. This “Grit” is what decides whether the world will remember you or not. Whether you will really be able to do something amazing that you will be proud of. Whether you will create that masterpiece or not.
In Summary, “Not giving a F***” is an attitude towards building this “GRIT” which is without doubt the most important component of your success. Without this, your dream is like a loosely constructed structure of bricks with no cement in it.
“Not giving a F****” is not only needed so that you achieve a great goal or fulfill your dream but it goes to the very bottom of your own being. In this one life, why do you want to confirm to so many people, what’s the need to live someone else life? Why it is so important that you please the whole world and go through your only life in the way others want you to. Why can’t you be just the way you are or be the best version of yourself. Like a diamond, which even after being cut and polished still maintains all, it’s core properties. Don’t sugar coat yourself all the time. Be the way you are, speak your mind, do what you want to do. By being the way you are, even if you fail in the eyes of society, it’s still not a failure as you lived on your own terms, which is how we are all designed by nature. It’s the ultimate freedom…..
Slightly digressing now, to give you my own example of writing a blog, ( this is my fourth blog, so I know my blogs suck, yet I try..). The reaction to my first blog was not that great. Few people praised and encouraged while many said, don’t waste time, usual negative stuff. Even my closed ones commented, what’s wrong with you, what all do you write. So, I decided to “not give a f***”, but since I still care about these people, although I am “not giving a F***” but I am “not giving a f***” like a monk. With empathy, with a smile, accepting people around me as they are and yet, not stopping myself from what makes me feel happy. Writing elevates me as I speak my mind through words. Some people like what I write, many don’t. But that’s how the world is.
Some people like mangoes and few have mango allergies.
So, we must not feel offended by people whom we invited and served mangoes but who have got mango allergies, they have to refuse. Is in’t it. Not much can be done about this. My immediate objective from writing a blog is very skewed, It's just for me. I feel happy. Mid to long term objective is towards you or someone who might feel good after reading what I think and write. Someday, possibly it will reach a person who might be looking for these words to make them feel better. That day the objective will be met. It's quite simple. This is how most passions start. Start small, if it grows big, it's fine, if it doesn't, still fine. If you have the grit it will. If you lack this grit, at least it will make you happy. This I feel is also a great achievement, without an iota of doubt.
I am sure, there would be many things you would love to do, small interests, cooking, painting, having a pet, music, sports, why don’t you take a baby step today. Just start something very very small, but something you love. Even if it’s a micro-step, take it, it will be the most important step you would have taken. I assure you it will go a long way. Don’t work your ass off every day, get exhausted, and leave your passions to your 70s and 80s. That time might never come. Feeding your family is an important responsibility, do your work sincerely as it serves you, then find some time for what you love and do, small things but every day, at least most days, at the very least, weekly.
I write a blog at least every week.
So, in summary, two things you should seriously “not give a F***” about :
What others think
Things beyond your control
Sometimes saying “f*** it” at the right time can be a very powerful thing. It tells your mind that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get to the other side.” : David Goggins
As all my blogs in this series will be directly or indirectly connected to this great philosophy of Stoicism, of which, I am a novice follower, I am leaving you with these great words of a great Stoic:
The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do : Marcus Aurelius
VS
PS: inspired by Mark Manson and Sarah Knight
(Watch this space for Philosophy in Action)